Sunday, January 11, 2009

[Actual Post Date: 10/02/06]

Well, it seems that I haven't shown enough about the baby momma, and why I have done all of this. I mean, yes, the header is my 'mission' statement, but it seems that folks want some concrete facts about why I am so inspired. And I can't blame you-- blog number two was very serene and beautiful about the meeting of myself and the baby momma. But if you didn't understand while reading, I was teaching myself on how to talk to a child. I have no children. This was my very first attempt at talking to a child that is my own. Do you really think that a child shoud read what I am about to type next? Ask yourself this when you are done reading...

So yes, I was lied too on day one. That is why I earlier mentioned the importance of the question I asked her in blog 2 about her marital status. And like I have already mentioned, I openly trust people on day one. I am not a person that likes to stamp stereotypes on people when I first meet them. Why should I? Is that fair? After all, you never know who you have met until you talk to them and get to know them better. I never gamble on first impressions.

It reminds me of a friend of mine who told me about someone he knew that was extremely wealthy. He had more money than he knew what to do with. He lived very modestly; he drove a car that constantly needed repair, lived in a middle-class neighborhood, and never bought extravagant items. He lived comfortable, but no where near what his monetary status would allow, yet definitely never looked abysmally poor. He was employed, but it wasn't a high position.

He met a woman who he soon fell in love with. She loved him too, and they spent a lot of time together--at least two years if I recall, correctly. She never had any idea about his great wealth, and had proven to love him for who he was. He finally asked her to marry him, and she said yes.

After all of the wedding and reception events and during the honeymoon, he sat her down on the bed. He told her that he was extremely wealthy, and that she would never have to work again. And as far as I have been told, they really have lived happily ever after.

So I gave baby momma that 100% trust. I gave her my open self on day one. I believed her. It took about 30 days before I discovered I had been played with and deceived. She lied.

What was most disheartening was that it took her over a YEAR to say, "I really hurt you by lying to you about being married. Gosh, I'm really sorry." A YEAR! A year to acquire a conscience about dispicable deception? To show that you actually give a damn? Spending all the time previously telling me that you love me, yet abstinant when it came to the profound damage you caused by that lie? Even all the times I mentioned how much it hurt throughout our relationship, you just NOW figure it out?

I sent a letter about a week ago to my local newspaper to the Dear ***** section. I haven't got a response, but I think that if you the reader have a doubt about the type of person my baby momma is, perhaps this will help:

Dear *****,

I am living a nightmare. I have impregnated exactly the wrong woman who can be easily mistaken for a demon. She loves to mess with your head, and has stated once that:

"I have aborted the baby, and I will
send you all the data, INCLUDING

As far as I know, and strictly by her own words, she is still pregnant. I did, in person, witness her take the home pregnancy test and it came up positive. Her own mother agrees with my belief that her daughter suffers from bi-polar disease, sociopathic behavior, unparalleled hate, schizophrenia, and psychotic outbursts, all fueled by vindictive blood. All of these aforementioned afflictions are in actual medical files--of which I cannot retrieve for the court.

This woman has also cheated on every man she has been with in the past decade, aborted one child already, and dropped her other two beautiful children off at Grandma's to be raised.

Now I know what you are thinking. Why? Why did you stay with her for over a year? Why didn't you drop her like a bad habit?

Nobody in my 30+ years has ever so feverishly begged me of anything, with the most potent, penitent words. Profoundly genuine words that would convince most anyone; and likely any man. I also knew that I had a unique level of tolerance, and early on did want us to work out. But now the child is the only reason why I don't wish for her to get hit by a bus.

I am desperate to be a dad; a responsible, God-fearing, loving and role-model type of dad. I'm with Bill Cosby all the way. But she is doing all to stop me from seeing any data on our child, purposely keeping me in the dark to suffer the pain of not knowing.

I have been told by many that men are virtually powerless in the eyes of the law, and assumed to be dead-beats. I financially cannot afford a high-powered attorney, and I have already been ignored by legal aid. Yet I am still working myself to death with my job and other sources of money to fight for full custody.

If I don't get full custody, then society can count on a 'pants-to-its-knees, hat-to-the-side, without principles and possibly God', THUG walking the streets and causing mass chaos in the near future. My fears are overwhelming, and the not knowing is slowly killing me.

This should be a happy time. I should be wearing a permanent smile, and shoving cigars in mouths with excitement. But that joy is desecrated by the reminder of who the mother is. I am trying my best to give this all to God to figure out, but it is hard to work with Him when I am entirely in hell. How can I conduct business as usual with people in my every day with this black cloud over me?

Gotta breathe, now...more to come.



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