Tuesday, January 13, 2009

[Actual Post Date: 9/26/06]

Hey world, not all men want to run away from the responsibility of raising a child they may have created! Even when the father and mother want nothing to do with each other. This standard general perception must change. It should be made possible that if a man believes he impregnated a woman, there should be some type of process that he can go through to acquire medical data on the child he may have conceived. I understand it's a woman's body, but nine months compared to the next 50 years or so? A child is NOT just about the first nine months!

I understand their is a surplus of dead-beats out there giving the real men a bad name, which ostensibly must change too. Because the men who want to be daddies are being tortured by the not knowing and hence are rendered legally impotent. The men that really want to be dads are being persecuted and kept powerless.

Monday, January 12, 2009

[Actual Post Date: 9/28/06]

Now that you have read my very first blog, the one that really shows the inspiration behind it all, I feel it's time to tell you a little about me as well as the birth mother with when we first met.

I am just a regular guy who goes to work everyday of the week. For a long time, I have been what I like to call a 'Fred Flinstone', and refused to ever be on line; even at the threat of the government. Any of my friends that know me well will support my comment. I believed that I was doing fine without computer access, and combining that with my 'survivor-no-matter-what' modus operandi, I never cared to even examine the idea.

Then I met her, had ups and downs, and have decide to become George Jetson. This meeting, no doubt, is one of the most profound events that has ever occurred to me in my whole life. I never saw it coming, as is usually the case when I meet someone special. And as I am going through all this now with a possible child on the way, I have been writing a journal to my unborn child. In it, I tell my child the whole story about its mother and I. I re-read it a hundred times, and realize that it is the best description of al the events about us. So with that in mind, I thought I would share an excerpt from that journal:

"...On November 22nd, 2004, I met a woman of such great
presence, power and potency, that all that I called my
world disintegrated instantly and morphed into a vision
only previously dreamed about by likely droves of men.
A surreal existence of a human being that humbled
most men, as this woman emitted a vibe without saying
a word or shifting a somatic motion of any kind. Truly,
my attraction and interest was automatic and definitive.
At this time, I was in Illinois on a new career opportunity.
An opportunity that I anticipated as a big step up in my
field of work, as I was promised further knowledge I had
beforehand asked for. This eventually turned out to not
be the case, but I stuck it out for as long as I thought
I could. But what I never believed would happen in all
my wildest dreams and nightmares actually did. I met
your mother.
As I hopefully wish, you are aware that my birthday is
November the 21st. And if you are also aware of my
field of work as a maintenance technician, you know
that there are times when my job requires me to take
what is called 24-hour emergency call. They give you
a pager or cell phone, and it is your responsibility to
answer these devices at any time to know when
someone needed your help. On my actual 32nd birthday,
which fell on a Sunday, I was on my last night of emergency
call. So when Monday the 22nd was born, I took the
night to celebrate my birthday a day late.
Being a single man at that time and previously noticing
this establishment within the first month that I had set
foot in Illinois, I decided that I would go alone to this
gentleman's club to celebrate this occassion. Up to this
point in my life, I had been to a gentleman's club only
once, and that was with friends and I was turning
30 years old.
I walked in like the rookie, but yes, a veteran of a regular
bar scene. So as I headed for the bar to order a drink,
I was stopped by a voice from behind me. I turned and
faced a man who asked me if I was a member, and I
replied no. He informed me that this was a members-only
night, and asked if I would like to be one. I said yes and
asked how much it would cost. He told me 20 dollars, and
that it would last for a year. I agreed, and followed him to
the desk by the front door he occupied. I then filled out
the paperwork to make it official, and he told me to have
a good time. I then reacquired my directive to go to
the bar and buy my first drink.
I moved to the bar and ordered a beer. The barmaid
served me my drink and I paid her the monies owed. Now
being a full-blooded male, my thoughts directed me to
take a look at the scantily clad female on the stage
dancing. I didn't even turn my head half of the way to
that direction before I caught the eye of the most
beautiful woman I had ever seen in all my life. For
a second, I thought I was looking at a young Janet Jackson.
This magnificent icon of beauty was wearing an ankle-long
purple dress, with Cleopatra straight styled jet-black
hair that danced with the center of her back. She was three
or four seats away from where I was at the bar and
looking right back at me. For a split second, my heart
jumped and my world paused and everything was
completely tuned out. There was nothing at all except
her. I had been instantly locked in.
So as to not look like I was staring, I continued to move
my eyes in the direction of the stage. I took a brief look
at the dancer working her dance of seduction, then moved
to the nearest table and sat down. I looked back to where
I saw the woman of my type of perfection, and noticed
that she had moved from the bar, and was approaching.
We again locked eyes, sending all available butterflies in
my stomach to fly boundless.
What was also striking was the speed of her movement. It
was noticeably slow, dream-like and surreal. With all this
already dad-perfect vision of exceptional beauty, something
equally powerful and overwhelming doubled the potent dose
already seen. Her smile would make Job smile in his darkest
hour. World peace could be achieved, perpetual motion
solved, and all mysteries of mankind realized just because
of this woman's smile. I previously never thought a smile
could be that strong and do so much. I was captured entirely.
She asked if she could sit down with me, and I most definitely
said yes. She did, and we conversed and continued to
talk for the rest of the night. She of course had to make
her money and do her share of the stage dancing, but
no matter what she did, she always returned to my table.
We asked each other all the right questions, laughed and
talked very well. Her presence and speech and everything
about her put me in a state of psychological utopian
peace. Only once before has a woman ever put me
in this state of mind.
I told a friend a type of description I had for your mother
once. It was like I was an archeologist seeking out
evidence of dinosaurs. And previously for thousands
of years, an extremely rare dinosaur was still trying
to be fully discovered. But up to this point, bones
that had been found and constructed for this rare
dinosaur had been put together with a missing bone.
A 'key' bone that completed the mankind-long puzzle
of this rare dinosaur. I discovered this bone on this
night celebrating my birthday, and it was named
As the night grew late, I posed the question of asking her
for her phone number. This caused her to stutter
with the unintelligible "ummm", and I quickly
remedied with asking if I could give her mine. She
immediately said yes, and I did.
The most profound question that I asked all night was
the question of her marital status. She had told me that
her divorce was final as of about a week ago.
That her night was one of liberation and celebration, too.
I am a man who has always openly trusted people when
I first meet them. That I have no initial reason not
too, so that I always know that from the start, I was
open and non-judgemental. I gave her that 100
percent trust at day one.
The very next day, I recieved a phone call on my first
required 15 minute workday break. It was your
mother, with more questions and talk. We arranged
going to a regular bar together near the end of
this week and spending more time getting to know
each other. We did, and by both of our accounts,
was the best conversation we ever had in our one
year and seven month total history..."
I am currently reflecting on what I have written above. No matter what happens from here on out in my life; losing my mind in old age, this event will never be erased. Ever.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

[Actual Post Date: 10/02/06]

Well, it seems that I haven't shown enough about the baby momma, and why I have done all of this. I mean, yes, the header is my 'mission' statement, but it seems that folks want some concrete facts about why I am so inspired. And I can't blame you-- blog number two was very serene and beautiful about the meeting of myself and the baby momma. But if you didn't understand while reading, I was teaching myself on how to talk to a child. I have no children. This was my very first attempt at talking to a child that is my own. Do you really think that a child shoud read what I am about to type next? Ask yourself this when you are done reading...

So yes, I was lied too on day one. That is why I earlier mentioned the importance of the question I asked her in blog 2 about her marital status. And like I have already mentioned, I openly trust people on day one. I am not a person that likes to stamp stereotypes on people when I first meet them. Why should I? Is that fair? After all, you never know who you have met until you talk to them and get to know them better. I never gamble on first impressions.

It reminds me of a friend of mine who told me about someone he knew that was extremely wealthy. He had more money than he knew what to do with. He lived very modestly; he drove a car that constantly needed repair, lived in a middle-class neighborhood, and never bought extravagant items. He lived comfortable, but no where near what his monetary status would allow, yet definitely never looked abysmally poor. He was employed, but it wasn't a high position.

He met a woman who he soon fell in love with. She loved him too, and they spent a lot of time together--at least two years if I recall, correctly. She never had any idea about his great wealth, and had proven to love him for who he was. He finally asked her to marry him, and she said yes.

After all of the wedding and reception events and during the honeymoon, he sat her down on the bed. He told her that he was extremely wealthy, and that she would never have to work again. And as far as I have been told, they really have lived happily ever after.

So I gave baby momma that 100% trust. I gave her my open self on day one. I believed her. It took about 30 days before I discovered I had been played with and deceived. She lied.

What was most disheartening was that it took her over a YEAR to say, "I really hurt you by lying to you about being married. Gosh, I'm really sorry." A YEAR! A year to acquire a conscience about dispicable deception? To show that you actually give a damn? Spending all the time previously telling me that you love me, yet abstinant when it came to the profound damage you caused by that lie? Even all the times I mentioned how much it hurt throughout our relationship, you just NOW figure it out?

I sent a letter about a week ago to my local newspaper to the Dear ***** section. I haven't got a response, but I think that if you the reader have a doubt about the type of person my baby momma is, perhaps this will help:

Dear *****,

I am living a nightmare. I have impregnated exactly the wrong woman who can be easily mistaken for a demon. She loves to mess with your head, and has stated once that:

"I have aborted the baby, and I will
send you all the data, INCLUDING

As far as I know, and strictly by her own words, she is still pregnant. I did, in person, witness her take the home pregnancy test and it came up positive. Her own mother agrees with my belief that her daughter suffers from bi-polar disease, sociopathic behavior, unparalleled hate, schizophrenia, and psychotic outbursts, all fueled by vindictive blood. All of these aforementioned afflictions are in actual medical files--of which I cannot retrieve for the court.

This woman has also cheated on every man she has been with in the past decade, aborted one child already, and dropped her other two beautiful children off at Grandma's to be raised.

Now I know what you are thinking. Why? Why did you stay with her for over a year? Why didn't you drop her like a bad habit?

Nobody in my 30+ years has ever so feverishly begged me of anything, with the most potent, penitent words. Profoundly genuine words that would convince most anyone; and likely any man. I also knew that I had a unique level of tolerance, and early on did want us to work out. But now the child is the only reason why I don't wish for her to get hit by a bus.

I am desperate to be a dad; a responsible, God-fearing, loving and role-model type of dad. I'm with Bill Cosby all the way. But she is doing all to stop me from seeing any data on our child, purposely keeping me in the dark to suffer the pain of not knowing.

I have been told by many that men are virtually powerless in the eyes of the law, and assumed to be dead-beats. I financially cannot afford a high-powered attorney, and I have already been ignored by legal aid. Yet I am still working myself to death with my job and other sources of money to fight for full custody.

If I don't get full custody, then society can count on a 'pants-to-its-knees, hat-to-the-side, without principles and possibly God', THUG walking the streets and causing mass chaos in the near future. My fears are overwhelming, and the not knowing is slowly killing me.

This should be a happy time. I should be wearing a permanent smile, and shoving cigars in mouths with excitement. But that joy is desecrated by the reminder of who the mother is. I am trying my best to give this all to God to figure out, but it is hard to work with Him when I am entirely in hell. How can I conduct business as usual with people in my every day with this black cloud over me?

Gotta breathe, now...more to come.