Thursday, January 01, 2009

[Actual Post Date: 4/24/07]

Dear (Momma), March 1st, 2007

I wanted to tell you that I am happy about our conversation a week ago where you openly and finally told the truth about lying throughout our relationship. It was big of you to do so, and it is nice to see that you understand that it is in fact what you did to me, and the cause of a lot of unwarranted pain.

However, it has created a nasty side-effect. By you doing so, it has confirmed each and every complaint that I made throughout this entire time that we have known each other. It is like spending a lot of time, slowly putting something together, and finally finishing it. Your revelation has given me some peace now, but I'm afraid that it has also made me so astonishingly angry and hateful, that I cannot deal with you any longer.

I have never lied to you throughout our relationship, and I will not start now. So since you finally displayed courage in coming clean with the truth, I wish to do the same for you. I told you a while back that you will always be in my heart. This is an unchangeable fact, as I have told you that all women that are special to me are located there. Unfortunately in your case, you occupy the most nasty, black, hateful, angry and disgusting part of my heart. All of my anger, frustration, hatred, rage and boorishness now has a name--it is momma.

I cannot believe that you have had the courage to yet again say something so sickening. Admitting that you do wrong first, but by your own words, "eventually tell the truth". This is exactly what a sociopath does, momma. You have made me so extremely angry now, that I can no longer bring myself to communicating with you any longer. I am now wholly convinced that from here onward, no matter what comes out of your mouth, it is likely going to be a lie. I was so hopeful that you would escape that behavior, but after two years, you still do it. You are not as mature as you say you have become now.

Since my hatred for you is so overwhelming, here is what I want you to know and do: First, I suggest that you have your lawyer examine this document. Second, ask your lawyer how I can submit DNA without traveling to Illinois, for I am in fear that going there will be setting myself up to be beaten up by your hostile family members.

Third, request of your lawyer to send papers that will allow me to sign away all of my rights in regards to Anna. My anger is so total and definitive, that I wish to no longer even hear your voice, or know anything about you from here on to my own death. I find you totally repulsive, mentally unstable and untrustworthy, and I feel that you will be nothing but nasty towards me for the next 18 years.

I highly suggest that you accept my offer. You will have all the power over our child like you wanted. I am going ahead and giving you what I know you want. If for any reason, you wish to contact me, you must do it only through email, as I will no longer accept phone calls from you. I am sick to death of you calling past 11pm, knowing full well that I go to sleep early. It is rude for you to do so, and I am tired of it. Many times in the past, I would call you very early in the morning, and it would piss you off. So please extend the same curtousey.

When this all started, all I wanted us to do was to work as a team, but teamwork is nothing you have ever cared for doing with me. You ultimately want everything done exactly your way, and I am now offering you this opportunity. So I must say clearly, that if you do not do these things, I will ask my father's attorney to make sure that this happens. Our daughter will be yours, and you will win. You will win, momma.

I am tired of waking up in the middle of the night, sick to death with worry about Anna, and hating her mother of whom I do not trust; and tired of only tears putting me back to sleep.

Remember when the X-hubby and I confronted you about lying about your marital status? Remember what I told you in my car, and occassionally throughout the rest of our relationship? That I did not have full trust in you, and that you needed to earn it back. Not only have you not earned it back, but you have proven to not care to even get any of it back, despite the serious issue of an innocent child being involved. I cannot request that this changes in you any longer. I no longer care.

I am not giving up on our daughter; I am giving up on you.

I think that you are an evil, vindictive, worthless piece of shit of which I could care less if you get hit by a bus or choke on (new boyfriend's) dick. You must pat yourself on the back, because you are now my most hated person on the entire planet earth. I have irreversible damage done by you, and it will not go away. I am in fear that by you remaining in my life, I will never heal from this.

This is why I no longer want anything from you. I think you are sick, need a deep psychological investigation, and placed in a padded room. Not to be mean, but rather, to tell my true feelings and assessment of you. I think you are not human, and the first time I called your mother after you said you were pregnant, she supported me when I said that you showed signs of a sociopath, a psychotic, someone with borderline personality and bi-polarism. She told me that it was all in your medical files.

I no longer have a desire to withstand the same kind of psychological punishment you administered over this two-year period for the next 18 years. Congratulations, you are now entirely free to lie to yourself, others and even our daughter without any interference from me.

Having me believe Anna was dead for 12 days is terminally sickening. You can lie to yourself all you wish that you didn't mean it in a sickening manner, when in fact the records will show that you did. Regardless, this is a classic sociopathic statement and purely evil.

I now have also realized that I told you the truth that I'm really not mad at you for what you have admitted to doing to me throughout our relationship. You have confirmed that you are a very sick person who only deserves my utter hatred. And it is sad that you will use a baby as a bargaining tool, a whip, and most importantly, as a weapon.

I also recall a time when you questioned "what have I done" with regards to your pregnancy. Since you initially demanded to keep me out of it all, I put together a plan. I saved my money for a nice computer. I finally had the lay-a-way paid completely off in 1.5 months, and took my computer home. I went officially online in mid-to-late September of 2006.

After 'plinking' around for about a week or so, I found a blogger site program. I signed up, and started writing blogs. While I wrote my blogs, I also did the following:

What I Have Done For Nine Months...
(no particular order)

1) Made contact with Illinois Legal Services. Was told that they do not help those that are not Illinois citizens.

2) Made contact with Indiana Legal Services. Was initially ignored. Then told that they do not have jurisdiction.

3) Made contact with Illinois Pro-Bono Services. Ignored.

4) Made contact with Indiana Pro-Bono Services. Told that Indiana does not have jurisdiction.

5) Made contact with Indiana Attorney General's Office. Responded to within two weeks. Told that they could do nothing because of jurisdiction, but offered ideas.

6) Made contact with Illinois Attorney General's Office. Initially ignored. Then after about five months and after Anna's birth, sent by snail-mail, a list of people who may help, but they are people who have already ignored me, or have told me that I am not an Illinois citizen.

7) Made contact with Community Legal via online. Signed up, and was told they would help me. They never made me a client and took my money for no services rendered. They were fired.

8) Made multiple attempts for online free legal advice; most of which were returned as unanswered.

9) Contacted by phone and fax, Maury Povich. Was told to get a public defender, then was hung up on.

10) Sent letter to local newspaper to the "Dear Annie" section. Ignored and never responded to or printed.

11) Sent letter to Pastor John Hagee about my situation. Responded to with helpful prayers and hope.

12) Sent mass emails to multiple custody attorney's in Illinois. Three out of twenty responded. Only one offered help at 500$ as a retainer. Have not re-contacted the only one who offered this help. Cannot afford services.

13) Spent countless hours on research of the Illinois custody laws in pursuit of self-representation and the Illinois law.

14) Spent countless hours on research of the Indiana custody laws in pursuit of self-representation and the Indiana law.

15) Signed up for the Illinois Putative Father Registry; in fear, as stated by you, that you would allow boyfriend to adopt our child.

16) Signed up for the Indiana Putative Father Registry; in fear, as stated by you, that you would allow boyfriend to adopt our child.

17) Contacted National Brotherhood of Father's Rights. Recieved mass emails about possible options and helpful tools. Could not afford actual services, but thankful about options.

18) Contacted private investigator to check into whether or not mother was pregnant. Could not afford services.

19) Contacted the law offices of Cordell and Cordell. Had one-hour counsiltation with attorney. Could not afford services.

20) Created blogsite:

21) Created Website:

22) Paid friend to draw the following picture:
[See main picture above]

Lastly, I must inform you that if you and your lawyer submit this email to any judge, it could be unwise, as you will be admitting all of these things as fact, and this could lead to many nasty outcomes on your end.

If this email has made you angry to the point where you wish to take the law in your own hands, like you have already threatened to do, and send family members after me for a "beating", please let them know the following:

There are two befriended Sherriff's where I live. One of whom has been briefed on my situation, and lives in the very next building to mine. He is only one phone call away, and usually home.

Let who you send to do your dirty work (of which you have a history of making people do, including your own daughters) know that my County jail is one of the worst county jails in the entire country. And from what I've been told, a bullet in the head is far more preferred by those who have spent time there.

Also, let who you send know that I have a military friend who has many friends who materialize out of thin air, and their revenge will be guaranteed swift and decisive.

Also, make sure that you are aware that you have active harassment charges on you here in Indiana Sherriff's Department, September twenty-first, 2006.

-Legal History Overview-

[ Momma's criminal record can be found on here in the article starting with, "I realize that it has been a while since I've written a new post."]

Plans I Made:

Plan A Make an appeal to do all of this as a team.

Plan B Fight for full-custody.

Plan C Prove her unfit; fight for full-custody.

Plan D Prove her unfit; fight to put child up for adoption.

Plan E Sign away all of my rights.

The final bottom line is this, momma, mother to our daughter Anna: I'm not interested in the opinion of the Court of Man; for I will be vindicated in the Court of God.



Anonymous Michael Spence said...

"I think that you are an evil, vindictive, worthless piece of shit"

After everything she did to you, do you think she will be any better to a helpless child? I know you must be at the end of your rope, and if there's anything I can do to help let me know, but leaving a child to a woman like this is a sin.

As the saying goes, Do not grow weary in doing good. Even if you only get partial custody or visitation rights you'll be able to make sure she isn't making your child's life the same kind of hell she made yours. And if she does you'll be there to get that child out of there.

Think about it

12:52 PM  
Blogger xenosapien said...

You are exactly right, michael spence--I do not think momma will be better with a helpless child; especially, medically, helpless herself.

I have already developed a disgusting vision in my head: my daughter, along with momma's other two daughters will be strippers and abusers of men just like mommy. And yes, it is sin for me to do so.

But, my friend michael, momma has sincerely been forgiven. It took her nine months to give birth, and it took me 11 months to forgive her.

Problem with the fight, seems to be that in respects to custody and most especially Fathers Rights, MEN ARE DIRT, and are BURNT ALIVE in courts of law throughout the world. This is pure HORSE-SNOT, and one of the many wrongs the feminist movement encourages.

Also, michael, I've looked everywhere, and I still can't find that money tree.


5:13 PM  
Anonymous michael spence said...

well I want to be clear about something. I think you have done a very admirable job in everything you've tried to do. If you can't get custody you can't and I know it's not your fault cause I've read about how hard you've tried.

But if you can get visitation rights you might be able to be just a glimmer of hope in your daughters life. Full custody would be preferable (partial custody might still be doable, but you would know better than I would) but visitation rights might at least help keep your daughter sane.

And I have a different image of the future. Without you to leech from, your daughter's mother turns her emotional suckers on your daughter. This might make her into an abuser of men, but she is more likely to abuse herself. Not being able to meet the emotional demands her mother puts on her will develop into self-hatred and shame which yes will certainly spill over into her relationships with others. If your daughter deals with her self-hate the way her mother has, is dependant on her own choices and what traits she's inherrited from you. But just a few kind, well-placed words of wisdom might be enough to keep her from falling apart under the weight she'll be under. Even getting partial custody would be difficult, but if I understand the system correctly, she has to have a compelling reason to deny you visitation.

PS I wish I could help you in the financial area, I really do.

4:30 PM  

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